Fatherhood III

What I am going to tell you now is what got me thinking about being a dad, having a dad, and the important relationship between father and son in the first place. Parts one and two are intended to give an idea of where we came from, what we experienced, and why this situation just … More Fatherhood III

Fatherhood II

In 1990 I was thirteen years old. An awkward teen with a younger brother, living with my mum and her new partner in Grimsby. I was never very happy. I resented the new man in my mums life. I idolised my Sgt Major dad. He was living in Germany or Belgium, had been living in … More Fatherhood II

Fatherhood I

One of the most frustrating, rewarding, humbling, enlightening, difficult, joyful jobs any man can do. Being a dad is probably the most defining element of my existence. Suddenly, ill equipped to deal with life’s dramas and struggling to look after yourself, someone else is thrust upon you. In 2007 I became a father to Thomas. … More Fatherhood I

Desolation

I feel like an amputee. Like something essential and urgent has been removed from my person. This is no illness from which there is recovery. Instead this is a permanent removal of something vital to my health and well-being. It is something I will never get back. It is something I will never recover from. … More Desolation

Losing You

I’ve lost you too many times. I don’t know if I can do it again. I don’t know if I can survive losing you once more. We have been through so much together. So many good times, some bad times. Despite everything I always thought that we would be together forever. No matter how or … More Losing You

Wobble

Sometimes I have a little wobble. Today was one of those days. She crept up on my notice via a mutual friend and suddenly filled my thoughts. I caught my breath and felt that familiar tormented yearning for her touch. It hits me hard sometimes and it takes me a moment or so to recover. … More Wobble