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“These things happen”

On Friday we learned that our expected baby didn’t have a heartbeat. Devastated isn’t enough to cover the feeling of loss. I know that he didn’t have a life yet. I know that he wasn’t really a baby being so early in the pregnancy but that doesn’t make the loss […]

Remembering lost loves

I think that probably for the rest of my life there will be days which are significant because of Clare. January 14th 2012 is the day we met. Purely by accident. She asked me to dance, I said no. I bought her a drink instead. I asked for her number, […]

Love is bravery

I’m incapable of withstanding the heartbreak of love. I loved once. I was brave once. That bravery was repaid with hurt. Before that bravery I was a coward. I shunned connection. I shunned the possibility of hurt and pain. It took a special woman to encourage and nurture my ability […]

Tough times don’t last….

….tough people do. I’ve been feeling a little bit lost and a little bit alone recently. Struggling to come to terms with life and all it’s ugly truths. Just over two months ago I was looking forward to a future with a woman who meant the world to me. We […]

Desolation

I feel like an amputee. Like something essential and urgent has been removed from my person. This is no illness from which there is recovery. Instead this is a permanent removal of something vital to my health and well-being. It is something I will never get back. It is something […]

Losing You

I’ve lost you too many times. I don’t know if I can do it again. I don’t know if I can survive losing you once more. We have been through so much together. So many good times, some bad times. Despite everything I always thought that we would be together […]