Family

I wanted to write something about this. At first I just posted the photo, well, that was after I tried to put something down about it but couldn’t quite manage to find the words.

This little boy, Jackson, and the circumstances surrounding him and his father (my brother) and my parents and how much they love this little boy, and how much they do to ensure they have a relationship with him, well that is the very essence of family.

And, my brother, the wonderful man who rejected this lovely little boy in favour of an evil woman, and then fell out with his brother (me) because I won’t reject my principles when it comes to family and fatherhood. He’s perhaps the very essence of anti-family. Or, to put it another way, family when it suits.

Mike has his wedding. I wasn’t invited – and wouldn’t have gone anyway, on general principle. I’m angry with him. I’m angry at the situation he brought about. I wish it was different but it’s not. He refused to stand by his family – and not ‘just’ family like a sibling, or an uncle, or a cousin, but his own first-born child. His own son. That disgusts me. It makes me angry.

I see so many fathers who are denied access to their children when that is all that they want. They are denied access and lack the resources to fight that denial, or lack the education to know what they can do to fight that denial. And here we are, a man who was raised right, is educated, has resources at his command, who chose to not have a relationship with his own first-born son. How does he sleep at night?

Family, your children, your children’s children, your brothers and sisters. You can’t pick them. They might infuriate you. You might sometimes think you cannot stand the sight of them. But they’re family and, maybe it’s duty or obligation, but you stand by your family. You do not abandon them.

Especially when the ‘them’ in question is an innocent child.

13912692_10153936704861553_7048339177815487303_n

Memories

There once was a time I was blissfully happy. I felt like everything had finally worked out as it should. I felt like the future was going to be a beautiful one. I had my baby back.

This time two years ago I had everything I wanted. But it wasn’t destined to last. Six weeks later, happiness crushed, wondering what had happened, wondering if it had all been a dream.

Even though those memories of that time hurt, they are starting to also make me smile. It’s bitter-sweet. At once remembering just how perfect things were (stood there, arms around each other, her smiling up at me, wishing that time would stop and we could be like that forever) and at the same time realising just how much has changed and wincing at the sharp almost physical pain of that recollection.

It’s getting easier. I always knew that it would. And one day I know I’ll look back at that time with nothing by happiness in my heart.

IMG_6450

Ask the kids

Taken from lotusflowerlily’s blog, I thought this might be a cool little thing to do at a moment when I could prise Tom (8) away from the Playstation. I asked the following questions I wrote down exactly what his responses were.

I don’t know if he was just being diplomatic or not!

1. What is something dad always says to you?

Pardon? (because I don’t say please).

2. What makes dad happy?

Me

3. What makes dad sad?

People who don’t listen to him.

4. How does your dad make you laugh?

Tickling and funny faces.

5. What was your dad like as a child?

Dunno.

6. How old is your dad?

38 (correct).

7. How tall is your dad?

6’6″ (correct).

8. What is his favorite thing to do?

Be with me.

9. What does your dad do when you’re not around?

Go to work.

10. If your dad becomes famous, what will it be for?

Being the best dad in the world.

11. What is your dad really good at?

His job.

12. What is your dad not very good at?

Being a bad dad.

13. What does your dad do for a job?

[He got this right]

14. What is your dad’s favourite food?

Fish and chips.

15. What makes you proud of your dad?

That he saves people’s lives at work.

16. If your dad were a character, who would he be?

Mufasa from the Lion King.

17. What do you and your dad do together?

Go out places.

18. How are you and your dad the same?

We eat in the same way (all the carrots, then all the peas, etc.)

19. How are you and your dad different?

He’s older.

20. How do you know your dad loves you?

He shows it by taking me out places, paying for my dinner, and he agrees with me.

21. What does your dad like most about your mum?

I don’t know. Well, you’re not together any more, are you?

22. Where is your dad’s favourite place to go?

Roseberry Topping.

23. How old was your dad when you were born?

29 (correct).