I’m as guilty as anyone of living my life through social media. It seems like every single major or minor event is shared with friends and strangers alike.
But one thing which has recently occurred to me is how much we miss when viewing life through a social media lense. It seems that we are so wrapped up in capturing life’s moments on a 6inch screen in 8-megapixels that we are missing the bigger picture, the real picture.
On Thursday I took Tom to see the Christmas Lights switched on. People around us held their phones aloft recording events on the stage. It seems even minor celebs are worthy of capturing on our tiny screens. I picked up Tom so he could see and held him tight to me. Head to head. After the countdown and the lights went on the fireworks started. We stood together. Heads above the surrounding crowd and watched the fireworks. I shared in his pure innocent awe at the colours and explosions and sound above the crowd. We shared that moment. We captured that moment. Not on a tiny screen on a tiny device, but in our hearts and minds and memories.
Standing there with my boy’s arms around my neck just watching the display I realised that this is what is important. It’s not about what we can commit to electronic memory to be forgotten as soon as it’s happened, it’s about what we can feel and remember. What we can share with those people who matter to us.
So next time you experience something. Next time there is an event. Put away your phone. Hold those who matter to you close, and simply enjoy the sensation of sharing a time and place. You’ll get more from that act of intimacy than you ever will from your Instagram picture or your tweet.
Last night I found an old blog back up and conjured up some trickery to make it all readable again. It’s been merged into this blog now. My history from 2005 until 2011. That’s a lot of time. I’ve been spending time reviewing my life. Almost ten years worth.
Reading back and seeing the person I used to be has been an eye opener. Someone said on The Twitter, “I bet you’ve changed loads”. More than I can express in mere words. I’m more positive, tolerant, happy. Things might be tough now but things are nowhere near as bad as they used to be. Reading back into my past I was a deeply troubled negative person for a long time. I hated my job. I hated my relationship. I hated me.
I suppose that history has taught be that things have a way of improving if you just stick. So I’m sticking. Holding. Standing in place. With a bit of luck as times passes my lot will improve just as it did in the past. All it takes is time, right?
The tagline for the old blog was “Contains bitterness and resentment”, and I’ve left that in place as a reminder. Because that was me. Bitter. Resentful. But I made it. I improved. I developed a positive outlook. I may have taken one step backwards recently, but I’m committed to making two steps forwards soon.
Things will work themselves out. Of that I have no doubt.
….tough people do.
I’ve been feeling a little bit lost and a little bit alone recently. Struggling to come to terms with life and all it’s ugly truths. Just over two months ago I was looking forward to a future with a woman who meant the world to me. We had to keep things under wraps and had made plans for a great unveiling. We knew people would not agree with our decision to work things out. We knew they would disapprove. But that didn’t matter. For reasons I am ashamed of our relationship faltered in the early part of this year. We went our separate ways. But I knew that it wasn’t over. I knew that there would be another chapter written. I just didn’t know how painfully short that chapter would be.
In August 2014 Clare and I were in contact and we both realised that we were meant to be. Despite everything that had happened between us, despite five months apart, we made a decision to be together again. Our togetherness lasted for the briefest of times. She was taken from me cruelly in late September. We had a glorious month together. In that month I realised that this was a woman who’s passion for life invigorated my own. She allowed me to shine. She encouraged me to be.
And now she’s gone. Her light has left the world and with it, my own. Each day I wake and I go to work and I feel like it is all for nothing. I feel like I am counting down the days until my own departure from this world. I feel like my life is empty.
It is not. I know that. I know it. But that doesn’t stop the feelings of lonely isolation. I feel alone, so desperately alone, even when I am in company. And the sad thing is I don’t know how to get out of this situation. I don’t even know if there is a way out. Do I just have to keep going?
I do. I have to have faith in myself. Tough times don’t last but tough people do. All it takes is time. I just have to keep reminding myself of that.