Sometimes I have a little wobble. Today was one of those days. She crept up on my notice via a mutual friend and suddenly filled my thoughts. I caught my breath and felt that familiar tormented yearning for her touch. It hits me hard sometimes and it takes me a moment or so to recover. But recover I always do, and just like the smoker who passes on cigarettes, it gets easier each time – but, and I know this from experience, that yearning never goes away entirely.
I think now that I am no longer in love with her, I am in love with the idea of loving her. It’s a sweet, sweet pain to feel.
I know that she will always have a small piece of my heart. I know that I will always think of her. I know that when I close my eyes she will not be far from sight. I know that I will miss her, always.
I know that I also have to forge ahead with my life and my future. I cannot wallow in the past or lament mistakes made or poor choices chosen. That way madness lies. Life is something which happens whether you like it or not. It’s a messy, brutal affair. No-one gets out alive. All you can do is smile at the memories. Remember the good times. Learn from what went before. And make a promise to yourself that you’ll always be true and always try to do the right thing.
Even if that thing, that right thing, is the one thing which hurts you most of all.