I saw this image posted on Twitter and I couldn’t help but feel sorry for the poster:
“If I could go back to the day we met, I’m sorry but I’d turn around and walk the other way.”
Let’s just consider that for moment. How bad must things be that you wish someone could be cut out of your life entirely? That all the shared memories and experiences were erased? I have never regretted a single one of my relationships. Not a single one. I have regretted my conduct on occasion but each person who has given me the gift of their intimacy has brought something to my life and made it richer. I cannot imagine ever feeling such pain and/or hostility that I’d wish we had never met.
I’m intolerant of arseholes. I used to be one of them but I’ve changed, or I’m changing, or I’m trying really hard to not be an arsehole anymore.
So when I see someone being an arsehole I can’t help but prickle at it. Maybe it’s because I want to be an arsehole still, really, but I have this notion that change is good and that being a Good Person is an appropriate way to spend my mid-to-late thirties.
So if you’re an arsehole. Reign that in because it makes me jealous. Thanks a lot, arseholes.
It’s liberating when you realise the only person whose opinion of you matters… is you.
Sometimes I have a little wobble. Today was one of those days. She crept up on my notice via a mutual friend and suddenly filled my thoughts. I caught my breath and felt that familiar tormented yearning for her touch. It hits me hard sometimes and it takes me a moment or so to recover. But recover I always do, and just like the smoker who passes on cigarettes, it gets easier each time – but, and I know this from experience, that yearning never goes away entirely.
I think now that I am no longer in love with her, I am in love with the idea of loving her. It’s a sweet, sweet pain to feel.
I know that she will always have a small piece of my heart. I know that I will always think of her. I know that when I close my eyes she will not be far from sight. I know that I will miss her, always.
I know that I also have to forge ahead with my life and my future. I cannot wallow in the past or lament mistakes made or poor choices chosen. That way madness lies. Life is something which happens whether you like it or not. It’s a messy, brutal affair. No-one gets out alive. All you can do is smile at the memories. Remember the good times. Learn from what went before. And make a promise to yourself that you’ll always be true and always try to do the right thing.
Even if that thing, that right thing, is the one thing which hurts you most of all.