The demise of my last relationship was crushing. Despite the smile I wore. Despite the indifferent words which spilled from my lips. Despite the apparent ease with which I handled the disappointment of losing her. The loss was a crushing weight and I thank my stars I had kind hands to help lift the unbearable load.
Yet no matter how tough it was. Or how unjust I felt my treatment was. Or how much I wanted to respond to the words and actions of another. I like to think I managed to come through those times with my head held high and with dignity.
After seeing a very public relationship be brutally torn asunder at the weekend in a most undignified way, I give thanks that I had the courage to weather those times without resorting to name calling, blaming and pettiness. There were things I wanted to say. There were wrongs I longed to be righted. I suffered frustrations and personal humiliations and financial loss. But despite all that I remained strong.
I wanted to. But I would always think, “what is the purpose and can anything come of it?” The answer was typically “no” so I held my tongue.
And I am thankful that I did, because no matter what others may think I can truthfully say I handled myself well. My last relationship began with deceit and lies but it ended honourably. For this simple thing I am thankful.
It’s often difficult to be the bigger person when it comes time to walk away. We resort to hurting to mask our pain. I had the resilience to handle it this time, and I’m a better person for it.
Despite 36 years on the planet and a string of relationships & liaisons, I’m still no closer to understanding what it is that women want. I recently met someone who has grown to be very special to me. We’ve recently had to weather an ex-induced troublesome scenario and the fallout from this is monies owed. We were supposed to be going away this weekend but we’ve had to cancel for reasons I’m not prepared to go into right now.
She paid, and I owe her. I asked how much and she dithered and said something about being “out. of. comfort zone.” so I did what all most blokes would do and I applied logic.
Apparently that was wrong.
What I was supposed to do was second-guess what she was thinking and do that instead.
Women of the world take note: If you want us men-folk to do something in a certain way or act in a certain way, please tell us exactly how you want us to do it. Failure to do so will result in disappointment.
“What we have here is a failure to communicate”
I used to have a blog a long time ago. I kept it for five years. It saw me through relationships, jobs, the birth of a child, the breakdown of friendships, online endeavours that went well and those which went not so well. It was an honest, faithful companion. Through thick and thin, there it was. For me to vent, opine, whine, discuss, or laugh. Memories were caught and kept. Lessons learned were always at hand.
But then somewhere somewhen I stopped. Just stopped. I forgot it. Stopped posting. Stopped submitting my memories. Stopped storing my thoughts. Stopped capturing my emotions.
And truth be told, I miss it, so now there’s this. For me to capture and keep all the things I want or need to catch or keep. Good and bad. Beautiful and ugly. Lessons learned and experiences best forgot.
If you want to take a peak into my life or into my mind then this is the window to look through. I can’t promise you’ll like what you’ll see, but I can promise you’ll get an eyeful of alsarcastic.