I had an epiphany this morning. I’m afraid of failing.
Quite the revelation if you ask me. I am afraid to do things because the thought of failure horrifies me. It’s only in the most desperate situations that I am forced into action. This is not a good way to live my life and flies in the face of my recent decision to stop giving a fuck. How can I not give a fuck if I’m afraid of the consequences of not achieving something? This does not bode well for me.
I need to stop being scared of not attaining my goal, because it’s actually going to become a severe handicap if I don’t. I have a job application to complete today and I am procrastinating because I do not enjoy the thought of possibly failing. The criteria are high and I’m beset on all sides by self-doubt and feelings of inadequacy. Holy shit!
I’m formulating excuses not to try:
“It’s too nice outside today. I should mow the lawn.”
“I don’t have enough time to complete before the deadline.”
“I have enough on my plate at the minute.”
“You might not get through and then you’ll have wasted your time.”
“I need to write something in my blog.”
“I have been neglecting my forums recently and they need some attention.”
“There will be other opportunities.”
Man up, Alan! Stop being a fucking pussy about it. If you don’t try you’ll never succeed. If you fail… it doesn’t fucking matter.