This will be waffle but to hell with it.
It’s 23:41 (at this exact minute) and I’m drunk, sat in the conservatory, with the patio wide open. It’s balmy (good word). I’m drunk. But, for the first time in a long time, I feel like I’m alive, living, breathing and human. I feel emotion. I feel pain. That makes me feel more alive. Feeling is living and I realise now that I have spent a lot of months numbed; unfeeling and emotionless. Human life is apart from animal life on account of our ability to feel. Feel hurt. Feel good. Feel pain. Feel free. Feel empty. Feel love. Feel vulnerable. Feel content. Feel drunk. Feel like living and loving. How can we exist in relationships that stop us feeling? A relationship should be about growing feelings not stunting feelings. I hate to say it but I have been blinkered by the relationship I was in. I was stunted emotionally, physically, sexually, sensually, by this relationship. But it’s over and now I can grow in love and life. I cannot express how good it feels to be free.
I. Feel. Alive.
It’s. Awe. So. Me.