I just re-read my NYD post, and I thought to myself, “wow, another year of the same miserable bullshit. Here goes nothing.” I got to thinking that all 2011 offers, or means, or symbolises, is another 12 months of the same shit different year crap that I went through in 2010. Of course, my Dad can’t die again, and I have learned some lessons about friendship and the importance of relationships and family. But is it enough? I think you have to strive to grow as a person. That is the only was you can achieve success. It doesn’t matter what that growth is (as long as it’s not some unsightly lump), it just matters that you can say, ‘yes, I am better for having experienced that’ and move on; lessons learned.
So what have a learned about myself in 2010? What have I achieved?
At the start of 2010 I set myself a goal of doing all I could to reduce the burden of debt. It seemed like a good idea, and it seemed like an achievable idea (importantly). I figured not to give myself some outlandish target to hit, because that way madness (and failure) lie. Just cut down on spends, increase payments off debt, and generally start to get into a better situation financially. (I also said some thing about getting more fit, less fat, but since that was a complete wash out, let’s not go there, okay?)
Even though this has been a good earning year, I don’t think I have managed to hit my target of reducing debt. In fact, as we have just borrowed £105000 I think it’s safe to say the less debt target is a complete failure. Of course attached to the debt is a house, so that’s good, and attached to the house are my family and the future of my family, so that’s good too (mostly). My personal debt does not seem to have moved much. I have not taken out any further loans, and I have continues to pay off the loans that I have. Good thing. And the credit cards I have are going down. Good thing. But my overdraft has increased substantially over the last year. Not such a good thing. But my attitude towards an overdraft is that it’s working money, so I can pretend it’s not real debt mostly (can’t I?).
So yeah, I suppose the biggest news of 2010 is from the end of the year. J and I are buying a house together and committing to a future together. I had a bit of a wobble over Christmas when I thought I needed to just chuck it all in, but relationships take work and are not easy. Barry taught me that. What was I thinking??
Anything worth having is worth fighting for, right?
2011 is to be spent building on the foundations laid at the arse end of 2010. J and I need to work on our relationship in a couple of areas, but I think we can do it if we are both serious about us, and it doesn’t get much more serious than nest-building(!)
I still need to get my debt under control, and I still need to lose some weight and get fit. I also want to expand my horizons career wise this year, which will initially involve going back to college (or distance learning) to improve my qualifications. I can’t spend much longer dealing with dickheads (see prev. post) or I think I might go postal.
I suppose what I need to do is make some real changes to my life in terms of how I spend my free time. Too much time sat here on the internet or adventuring in Hyboria is not a good thing. It isn’t going to buy me long term success and happiness, is it? Maybe nothing will, but I have to give it a good shot or I’ll develop nothing more than an increased self loathing.
I’ll discuss my future plans in more detail in future posts. Happy New Year every one. May 2011 treat you well.