Hum. All is quiet on the western front once more. Jenny is home, Tom is home, life goes on. I feel kinda washed out due to the whole affair. It’s like, sure I’m pleased that the drama is over but I can’t help feeling a bit like the entire thing was all for nothing and entirely pointless. I’m pissed that it got to the stage that it did and I have made a commitment to myself not to go through that again. Next time there will be no next time. I can’t, I won’t deal with this crap again.
People in adult relationships need to act like adults. Har har, so says the guy with the busted hand from smashing up a door!! Fair point, but I was prepared to work out what happened and work out the relationship and not just run for it at the first sign of trouble.
We have discussed gettng some counselling. Okay, I’ll be honest here, Jenny has said she would like ME to get some counselling and I’ve agreed in order to keep the peace. I asked myself today, as I walked to the park with Tom and Jen to feed the ducks, what is it that makes me angry? How do I get so wound up? Most of the time you won’t see any reaction – and that’s because most of the time the anger I fee is festering away just below the surface and I am smiling through gritted teeth.
The anger comes from frustration. Frustration from not being able to get what I want? Frustration due to money? That, I suppose. Things are pretty tight right now with Jen on maternity leave and will remain so until the end of February when we’ll both get our bonuses and may be able to get back on an even keel. How I long for that day in seven weeks time. So yeah, I guess it all boils down to money. I hate not having any and when I do have it I spend it. Which puts me back to the point of not having any and hating it and getting frustrated by situations.
It is a sad state of affairs, but it is money not love that makes the world go round. Everyone wants it. We spend all our lives trying to accumulate it and no matter how much your earn it is never enough.
The world would be a better place if there was no such thing as money.
I’ll update you all on the counselling. If anything, it should be a bit of a laugh.