There is this girl that I work with that I get on really well with – in a purely platonic sense. We email each other throughout the day and do what friends do, share jokes, take the piss out of each other and what-not. Everything was perfectly fine until she started seeing this ape that works here too.

Yesterday she emailed me and asked me if I had backed off because of Andrew. I replied that yes, I had, that I was in love with her and it was killing me that she was with someone else and that at night I cut myself as it is the only way I can block out the pain and I cry into my pillow but with the help of my family I’ll get through it. Crazy fool.

Blatant crack, we laughed, she said that some guys were like that and would back off for fear of causing problems to which I replied that if some guy had an issue with us being friends that was his problem, not mine and he’d need to give his head a firm shake to get rid of the muppet infesting it. More laughs.

Today the ape comes to my desk and says, get this: ‘ that he knows everything, knows I have been hitting on her and I better back off’.


Sure I was emailing her, but it isn’t like I was doing it with my hand on her tit, is it? I have (and never have had) any interest in this girl other than as a friend. I mean, christ I have a girlfriend I live with and we have a child together. If I was a single guy then maybe – just maybe – I would have understood his reaction.

But to threaten me at work? Shit, I could get his ass fired for something like that. I guess though that what it boils down to is that I’m disappointed with her. I wasn’t after causing her no problems and this moron seems intent on controlling her by telling her who she can and cannot be friends with.


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