It’s fair to say that about two weeks ago I suffered a little bit of emotional trauma. It all got too much for me and I flipped out, did a double take of my life and didn’t like the direction it was going in. Or maybe I did like the direction it was going in and I just despised the pilot of the Good Ship Alan. Who knows, but I’m happy to report that I was able to resolve the problems I was having, mostly.
Jenny is back. We talked and talked and both got a lot of things out and in the open. She loves me, of that I have no doubt. I love her too. At least, as much as it is possible for me to love someone.
I guess it all come down to my relationship with my father. Trust me on this; I’m a fucking psychiatrist’s wet dream. I both love and hate my father in equal amounts. You can read the letter I never sent him for proof of that. If I was a violent person I swear I’d kill him for what he did to me. But then. Well, I always work on the principle of getting on with things. We only have the hand we’re dealt and we must make the most of it or life is pointless. I guess I just need to concentrate on the fact that I’M going to be a Dad soon and that when I am a Dad I won’t make the same mistakes that fucklehead Paul made. Meaning I won’t abandon my children because I’m a selfish cocksucker.
Bah, so anyway, life goes on. Roll on August. Thomas will be with us in August.