Fuck it

I think the reason for my seemingly unavoidable inability to actually get down to putting shit on paper (in a virtual/cyber sense, of course) is because I see what other people do and I wonder if I measure up to them. It’s human nature to compares oneself with others and when I compare myself to the stuff Nordicvs is writing it’s difficult to not get a degree of e-penis envy. Silly isn’t it? That even as a fully fledged adult and father-to-be no less, I still judge my success by the standards set by others. I still look at what others are doing or what others have and want to do what they do or have what they have. This doesn’t just occur here on the www it occurs in RL too. How often have I coveted another man’s woman, job, car, physique, clothes, or sense of style? Too often and the impact of comparison does not diminish with age. As children we’re taught to share and not to steal or be jealous of others. Yet we have an entire consumer culture around us willing us to get the best, be the best, and enjoy the best we can. I’m a victim/product of a consumer capitalist society and this is why I look around me and want what others have.

I am proud to an extent for what I have achieved in my life. I have a home and a woman who loves me. I have good friends and I’m liked by the people I know. I’m intelligent, charming, smart, clever, funny, sociable, confident and attractive to women (and some men I have discovered much to my amusement). I have a lot going for me and believe that things will only get better from here on in. I have a plan to get the job I want/need to ensure I have the money to live my life as I want to live it. I care not for being ‘mega-rich’ but I want to be comfortable, to have nice things. Everything is moving along just peachy and as it should. All is well.

So why do I still feel like I am missing something?


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