Daddy (not) Cool. Interesting choice for a title, non? Boney M sang about a Daddy Cool, Iâ€™m here to show that not all Daddyâ€™s are cool and similarly not every facet of fatherhood is cool either. Sure, there are good points, but I want to truth (you canâ€™t handle the truth!) about being a Dad and I want it here where it can be shared with other Fathers, Dads and Daddy (not) Cools.
So mach of parenthood is offered with a female spin. Through pregnancy it is your wife or partner who will carry the child and suffer the physical, mental and emotional changes. As an expectant Father my role is to be supportive and understanding. To offer love and support in the face of hormonal imbalances and aggression. Sure, sheâ€™s suffering, sure I support her, but do I need to be made to suffer also? The support which is available for me is paltry. I recently read a book (at the recommendation of another expectant father) entitled â€œThe Blokes Guide to Pregnancyâ€.
It could have been written by a woman.
I understand that pregnancy is always going to be dominated by the female, as sheâ€™s the pregnant one, but â€œhello!!â€ Iâ€™m not invisible over here. I need support, I need understanding, I need someone to talk to about my hopes and fears. I need the same fucking support network that is offered to a woman and there is none. My friends donâ€™t want to hear about it. They are either too involved in their own new family, too wrapped up in going out on the pull and avoiding the â€˜Câ€™ word, or too self involved to care. My parents? They just want to be grandparents. The expectant mother is a shining beacon of hope and purity offering the joy of grandchildren to my parents. They donâ€™t want to hear about how I might not be coping very well with it.
There are so many questions in my head and nobody to answer those questions. Will the baby be healthy? How will I support it? Why is mother so against returning to work even if it means we suffer financially as a result? Will I bond with my child? Will mother bond with the child? How do I ensure that my rights are considered? Paternity, parenting, the list goes on. Pregnancy is a confusing time for a new mother. It is a mind-boggling quagmire of lies, half-truths, misconceptions and general ignorance for a new father. I hope that through this new journal (not blog!!) I can try to understand that changes that are about to occur and try to deal with them. I hope that other fathers may benefit from it too.
Now, that all may have sounded slightly negative. I am looking forward to fatherhood. I am looking forward to being a responsible adult for the first time in my life. I am looking forward to having something more than just when the next night out will be to live for. I am looking forward to meeting my son or daughter for the first time and loving them with every fibre of me. I am looking forward to the adventure I am about to embark on. To being a Dad and loving a child and having a purpose.
Itâ€™s going to be a lot of fun. Hard work, but one hell of a journey. Stick around if you want to take that journey (albeit from the safety of your world) with me.