The Weekend ‘Endeth’

So it’s Monday evening and the weekend is officially over. I’m left with gut-ache and a bad taste in my mouth. Got pissed last night, got a little less pissed Saturday night. Spent more money than I intended to and I feel quite negative about the entire event. Getting drunk, well more the feeling after, is getting tiresome. I spend too much money and have nothing to show for it. Last night Jen wasn’t on top form and we ended up leaving early. Actually, she left saying I might aswell stay if I wanted to and I followed about 5 minutes later. Got home, crashed out. Woke this morning feeling like shit.

I was up at stupid-o-clock this morning. Something like 5:45. Not too sure but it was too early in any case. I’ve been in a bad mood today and I think she has too. Snappy comments, that sort of thing. Just the kind of crap you don’t need with a hangover. All I wanted to do this afternoon was be by myself. Sit on the computer, play a bit of Rome: Total War, smoke some ciggies. Jen got the hint about 3 or 4 and went home. I’ve been sat here since then wasting time on my Carthaginian Campaign and listening to the same music I always listen to. Christ, I’m fucking bored.

Things are up in the air regarding DT. Nordy wrote me an email on Friday with his ideas for DT and where he wants to take it. I really am in two minds. On one hand I really can’t be arsed with the shit involved in running the site and on the other I don’t want to let it go. It is failing though. A couple of posts a day if that, active membership dwindling, and me twiddling my thumbs not really wanting to do anything about it. Bah, it’s just a forum. In a few years or so I’ll have given up on it entirely. I’m going to be too busy with career and houses and possibly weddings and family. Sometimes the future scares me. I tend to let others make plans for my future and I just go along for the ride: Anything for an easy life. But then, just like what happened before, I’ll be pushed too far down a route I’m not 100% sure about and I’ll flip out and fuck everything up again. Yay!!

What the hell, it’s nearly 8pm and I need to get my arse in gear sorting out my stuff for work in the morning. Only fours days left and then I’m free for three weeks. I’m just coasting now, getting ready to enter holiday mode. I’ve made a lot of financial sacrifices for this holiday. I just hope it lives up to the hype surrounding it. Hopefully it will all come together and we’ll have a great time. I’m stressed, I’m wound up tight like a coiled spring and I need this break to focus my mind on the future. In many ways it’s going to be the making or breaking of this relationship. Two weeks, just us. No outlet or chance to get away from each other. If we come through this then things will be just fine and we’ll plow ahead with the plans for moving in and other future shit. If it all goes tits up, however, then I guess it is just the way it is supposed to be. I’m not getting cold feet or anything (and I’m not saying that because I need to confirm it to myself), but the last few weeks have been tough. Work has been a nightmare, the house has been gutted and I’m in the process of putting it back together, and we’ve clashed over a few things. Nothing major, but enough for me to need a bit of a time out from life.

Hopefully we’ll hear something this week about our counter-proposal to the changes going down at work. In all honesty I don’t think it will change a thing and we’ll be forced into this job change. They have made their minds up and I don’t think we’re going to be able to change them. If it doesn’t work then I’ll put my hopes on the redundancy option. I don’t see that coming to fruition either which means I’ll be forced to make some major career changes at the start of the new year.

It’s one of those “only time will tell” situations that I love so much…


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