Chav Street

My peaceful neighbourhood has been disturbed by the stupid fucking chavs over the road. They moved in a couple of weeks ago and have been spoiling my peace and quiet with their shitty music and laddish behaviour. First it was racing up and down the street in a battered Ford Sierra with shitty house music, and the latest is causing criminal damage to their own property. Stupid fucks.

I was snoozing on the sofa having watched Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2. A perfectly shitty movie. Then I heard a loud banging as if someone was hammering on a door. I looked out the window and some arseface was hammering on a door (surprise?).

“I’m gonna kill you! I’m gonna fucking kill you!”

I have no idea who he wanted to kill or, for that matter, why he wanted to kill his intended victim. What I did know was that at just past one in the morning the last thing I needed was the noise he was creating. Next thing I know the arse breaks the window at the front of the house over the road and shouts, “That woke you up!”


So I ran upstairs and looked out the window to see this arse running down the street so I did what one must and called the police. They arrived reasonably quickly for a Saturday night. Three patrol cars. They stopped outside the house in question and went over to investigate. The guy who lives there came out and started mouthing off at the Police. One thing led to another, and I am unsure of the details as I was up and down the stairs trying to get the best vantage point, but the Police wrestled this guy to the floor. He struggled and started screaming as they put cuffs on him and bundled him into the back of the squad car.

“You should be out catching proper criminals”, said the stupid boy. That’s possibly the worst thing you can say to a cop. “Someone breaks my window and you arrest me!!”

They shoved him in the back of the car and he started banging on the window. I guess he was either drunk or high. Either way, he’s spending the night in the cells.

So I went out and told them what I saw and they took my name and number saying they would call me tomorrow to take a statement. I didn’t see much, it was dark, but I’ll tell them what I know anyway. I guess the kids are renting the house and I’m hoping this is enough to get rid of the fucks. The last thing I want, with Jenny close to moving in, is the tone of the street being brought down by the actions of idiots.

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