What? I know. I wanted something different, quirky, strange. Something not quite normal because I feel that I am very much not quite normal either. So this is indeed a tender situation is the chosen name. Why did I pick this one different title from the hundreds of different titles which ran through my head like so many tangled pieces of string? Because it is how I feel at the minute. Life is a tender situation. If you don’t keep your eye on the ball your feet on the ground you can fuck up and it’s all over… and breathe.
Sometimes I let my words run away with me. It happened today on the way home from work where I nearly got into a fight with some guy twice as wide as me. picture meatloaf but slightly taller and with really bad hair tied back in a pony tail which stretches down to his belt and pulled tight over a balding head, picture meatloaf wearing beady spectacles, headphones and combat boots and you have Adrian. The guy is a fucking gorilla. As the bus was pulling in to the bus stop I stepped to the edge of the curb and the bus stopped with its door perfectly aligned to my position so I got on, paid my 90p and heard Adrian mutter behind me, “I see manners died with you too”.
“What did you say?”
“No I didn’t. Repeat yourself.”
Of course I did hear, but I wanted the arse to repeat himself. I guess I wanted to see if he had the balls to match his size.
“manners.” he said, moving close enough for me to be able to smell the stench of his breath…
What did I say about my words running away with me? I was introducing myself and this is indeed a tender situation and before I know it Iâ€™m telling you about the gorilla who accosted me today.
Well, the gorilla is more interesting:
I didn’t back down. Why? Because sometimes things run away from me and I say or do things that I regret or could potentially regret. I think this is the main reason why Simon refers to me as a loose cannon at work. He never knows when I am going to go off on one. “What about them?”
“There were people waiting in the queue in front of you.”
“Big fucking deal.” I was angry now. “Did me getting on the bus first mean you are going to get home later than you would otherwise? No, so get over it”
How… nice. Being told to fuck off by the uneducated mail room boy from work.
I sat there at the back laughing to myself. I just nearly had a fight with a guy who would rip my arms off over something as silly as him raising a valid enough point regarding my behaviour. I argued about it. He was right and I argued. And this is what I mean, ladies and gentlemen. This is what I mean about life being a tender situation and the reason I chose this is indeed a tender situation as a title for this. I took my eye off the ball. I forgot to keep my feet on the ground and I ended up in a situation which could have been much worse. And I am doing it more and more.
Mainly it is at work and I put it down to boredom mainly. Iâ€™ve been at “O” for nearly three years now. Three years on august 4th, to be exact and I have been doing my current job for 18 months of that time. Boredom and frustration. I don’t hate my job, far from it. It has many positive facets. There are far worse jobs and I have had them. From fitting shoes on snotty kids to making fish fingers. If there is a shitty job I have done it. This one is, as del-boy would say, “cushty”. Monday to Friday. 9 to 5. Early out on a Friday. Decent enough money, the most I have ever earned over any period of time. Have you noticed how no matter how much money you have you never have enough? Or the more you earn the more you spend? More on that another time, I was talking. Decent money, decent conditions, respect from colleagues, freedom to do things how I wish, freedom to take days off with little to no notice. There are people in a far worse state than I am and I talk to hundreds of them each week.
Agent smith from the matrix said:
But I believe that, as a species, human beings define their reality through suffering and misery.
And perhaps he is right. Perhaps it is human nature to be miserable and discontent. A greater mind than mine can work out the ins and outs and meanings behind human misery. Iâ€™m too involved in it to be objective. ~_^
besides, it’s 02:24 and I have either a busy day of decorating or a busy day of drinking coke, smoking cigarettes and playing Rome: Total War tomorrow (today, you know what I mean). Good night.