20 things girls want guys to do as ‘truthified’ by Nordicvs

See the original list and associated discussion on the DT Forums

1. “Don’t get caught flirting with other girls–or simply get a girlfriend who’s not so fragile mentally and emotionally that she understands that flirting means fuck-all. Just like when girls flirt with other guys (and we all do, in one way or another). It’s normal and harmless. Tell the stupid clingy cunt to grow the fuck up.”

2. “DO NOT speak the truth, you simpering fuckwits. Lie to us. Lie to your friends about us. Tell everyone we’re perfect little princesses, especially when we’re not.”

3. “Some of us are serious about things–most of us aren’t. The majority of us are used as toys because we’re not fucking intelligent, decent, or otherwise useful enough for anything else. Sport fucking: our first and best usage. Treat us like a fine automobile but only when we drive like a Ferrari–if we drive like a rusty Ford Pinto, you have to treat us like one. No, cars aren’t toys; they’re things you use, and so are girls.”

4. “Bend us over your kneee, firmly but gently, slapping that ass as hard as you can. If you can, smell our twats! Very few of us try to succeed in making it smell and look good! If it smells like a rotting walrus carcas, dump our ditch-pig ass immediately. Why fuck around with a putrid skank?”

5. “Don’t tell us a fucking thing. Don’t tell your friends or family a fucking thing regarding us. If you’re doing shifty shit, find a cool chick who’s not going to develop broken glass up her crack over every thing she may deem to be “wrong.” Find someone you can trust, someone who doesn’t pry into your life and snoop around like a paranoid mother. If she doesn’t like something you’re doing, kick that bitch to the curb. We’re a dime a dozen.”

6. “When we say we love you, we convince ourselves that we think we mean it. We will tell that to anyone if it gets us what we want. Because three words are so important…even if we never show you that we love you. Our hearts are cold and calculating–we are hardly trustworthy, which is why we can’t trust you. Don’t worry if you tell us you love us and we don’t say it back right away. We aren’t certain. We might be PMSing. We barely understand anything we feel; we’re just thinking of what you may want to hear. Whether we should reel you right in or play hard to get or wait and see if so-and-so becomes available in the near future. And if it takes a day or two, we’re figuring out which tactic to employ because logic and strategy aren’t our strong points, unless we get together with our friends and figure it out as a group how long to string you along until something better comes along.”

7. “If we have guy friends, we use them as fall-back cocks in case you do something we don’t like, need a “buddy-fuck” when things get rocky with you, or just use them to make you jealous–which we love…but not that possessive stuff, because then we’d have to get rid of them and be only with you. Essentially, they’re our toys. And leverage. We’re dumb, we’re going to mess around, especially when drunk, when our IQ points crash into the low teens…then you have every right to put us both in the fucking hospital, and then dump us. Or kill us. Or both.”

8. “Anything you want us to know about you…you’ll never know about us. We’ll memorize every fact, for future reference. Blackmail, guilt trips, you name it. But we’ll only tell you what we think you should know; we’ll be vague and contradict ourselves. We’ll mostly omit crap because we don’t want you to use it against us. We need to play our games, but we don’t like when you play games. We need to be “mysterious”–which just means safe, having the advantage in manipulation and/or backstabbing later on.”

9. “If our eyes are shiny, we either just had sex with one of your friends or we’re stoned. Look at our smile and the way our face is. Is it the same way it is when you make us laugh? If not, we’re going to pretend to cry in order to get something from you or to distract you from a real fuck of a mistake we just made. So, fall for it and treat us like little girls because we’re still weak, immature, emotional basket-cases who need constant reassurance and security while we’re plotting against you.”

10. “Treat us like children, because that’s what we are in every way except physically; we’re still little girls.”

11. “Give us stuff. Give us lots of stuff and do it often, every day, predictable enough to ruin any possibility of a ‘surprise’ thing. Fuck surprises, just GIVE US STUFF! All the time! Shiny stuff! Presents! Flowers and candy and chocolate and jewels and gold and technology and cars and furs and earings and necklaces and bracelets and watches and…and! Stuff! Lots of stuff! Gimme gimme gimme gimme gimme gimme! Don’t worry that we rarely give you anything–we deserve tons and tons of expensive stuff, BECAUSE WE VAGINAS AND YOU DON’T! Give us stuff and you get sex!!!!”

12. “See 11. Give us stuff! Then we’ll have sex with you. We’re not easy–sex isn’t free with us. STUFF! And do stuff like whats-his-name did in that movie!”

13. “Do lots of stuff for us–go out of your way and make a huge effort. Treat us like that actor did with that spoiled daddy’s girl in that movie. Don’t get discouraged when we do nothing for you. Heck, we’ll let you fuck us after you do something good, right? So make a big fuss over us because we have tits.”

14. “Don’t expect sex unless you either give us something expensive and(or) do something that requires tremendous effort and expense. We’ll wait until it gets us something. If you want sex for nothing, because you think we love you and shit like that, we’re going to get mad and we might not ever have sex with you. (Another way to put it: We’ll dump you, no matter how much it hurts.)”

15. “Do lots and lots and lots of stuff for us. Do exactly what we want when we want it, because we’re selfish, controlling, demanding, and shallow little whores. Prove everything to us, while we sit and soak up your affection. Remember, it is a priviledge just to be near the glory that it us. You have to bust your ass for us every day of your life–but we have children…so painful…one or two or three times in a lifetime, so show respect! Sing like our favourite artist sings, all those contrived verses and choruses, or just write a lot of epic poetry–or buy us something–and you’re likely to get a kiss.”

16. “Make a fool out of yourself, prancing and jumping about and flapping your arms like a bird displaying a mating dance. Do what we want, especially when we don’t have to tell you. This shows us that you can bend to our will, without our direct instruction, which turns us on, almost as much as stuff.”

17. “Don’t make us look like fools–you’re the only one who should be looking like a fool. If you act like we act, we’ll turn into our mothers and hound and nag you like she did to us all those years. (This will happen once we’re married no matter what you do or say, though; sorry.) We’re allowed to treat you anyway we please, but don’t you dare embarrass us–you will NEVER stop being reminded of it for as long as we’re together. We’ll ram it into your face every time we feel a whim to do so. Even if you apologize and buy us stuff. DON’T try to kiss us, because that is something we control. Wait for us to be ready. Who knows how long we’ll be angry, since we’re mentally like children, can’t deal with anger properly, and tend to be vindictive, petty bitches who hold grudges for the rest of our lives.”

18. “Impress our parents so they don’t think we’re total numbskulls. Act, pretend, lie…in other words, be the person they want us to be with…not the person you really are. Really impress them so that they don’t bitch at me that I’m getting involved with a bonehead who doesn’t measure up. You’ll never be good enough, anyway, no matter what you do, but don’t let them know that. (And don’t take too long look at the mother while you’re there…because that’s what wifey will look like in twenty years. Yeah.) So, you’re joining our family–we’re not joining yours.”

19. “Things are ‘equal’ between men and women, and that’s why you have to get us millions of presents, do all the work, and pay our way on top of it. Pay our bills too, sucker! We’ll get you things here and there, and remind you of it constantly. But they’ll seem more expensive than they really are, since shopping is serious fucking business for us. One of our gifts is worth a thousand of yours, even though we got it on sale somewhere or had it around from a previous boyfriend. Then, after we’ve broken your spine during mariage and denied you sex for five years while fucking the 19-year-old down the street, we’ll take you to divorse court, pull down your pants, aim for penetration, grab all we can get our lazy claws on, everything YOU worked for, and take whatever you might have left. It ain’t cheap!”

20. “Treat us like we’re Queens of the Universe. As though we have gold-plated vaginas; as though you aren’t worthy to smell the sweet peppermint gas that exudes from our asses on silky wings of the heavens. Because we’re not only emotionally underdeveloped, we’re also insecure, afraid most of the time, like tiny children, and need you to hold us up and convince us that we’re even half as good as we say we are. Lie to us, no matter how fat and lazy and greedy and superificial and petty and manipulative and bitchy we grow. Keep lying to us. But don’t lie to us about stuff that doesn’t benefit us and our poor self-image! Think about her before yourself or anyone, think of her as divine, not matter how much of a worthless cunt she is–because her thinking about herself this way is not enough.”


6 thoughts on “20 things girls want guys to do as ‘truthified’ by Nordicvs

  1. Good to see you are not bitter though eh?

    Settle for whatever ‘broken’ woman latches on to you if you want this kind of drama & BS; grow a spine & have the determination to want something better for yourself if you don’t.

    Be ‘passive-aggressive needy’ all your life if you can’t ‘grow a pair’. Spend the rest of your life bruising because some little girl was mean to you & played you like you were a ‘cunt’? You probably let her too… guess what you were being?
    😀

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  2. You need to try and understand the spirit in which this was written. Entertainment for entertainment’s sake as opposed to a commentary on the predatory nature of the female of the species.

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  3. I do understand Alan. It was amusing, if only due to its unmodulated smarting of futile-rage & indignation. No one can take your dignity, it is solely yours to give.

    I just think that too many guys see this as inevitable & that this is the predominant outlook on this imperative subject. I believe that what I said is rarely stated in such blunt terms, if at all.
    Also frustrated pointing the finger stains you with the indelible ink of immaturity. (I realise the potential irony of that last point).

    Newsflash: people are flawed, life is unfair, & any effort to work against those predicates is futile, but the choices are still open & still yours. You can stand in the way of every bit of shit & then wallow in the mess, or you can say, ‘no more shit for me & get out of the shit-stream’. Damn that was a shit analogy. :/ (I leave it in for potential comedy value.)
    Earnest as I can present myself to anyone, totally without any sophistry I tell you, that the way people deal with you & experiences you go through are a result only of what you perceive in your mind. That is where the seeds of your will, germinate, & affect the outter world.

    I woke up the next day, precisely in the same physical & financial position as the previous, but having faced up to alot of questions, alot of dues that I had with my own perceptions of the world & my own existance; from that day till now, instead of seeking refuge from an impending indefinable but all too encroaching onslaught (what people call generally ‘pressures’), I relish the day & every furthering of what I want to see realised that it brings (that I know I can & choose to realise).

    It sounds like evangelical bullshit; but it is all too real. It is also too evident: external achievements are not going to give rise to significant internal change! It is the significant internal change that will allow you extend YOUR will into the outter world as effectively & authentically as you wish you could. You wish you could because you know you could… if only… That is your crutch, that is your bottle, that is your fear, that, ‘if only’.

    Let a far more eloquent writer than I have the last words:
    “Circumstance does not make the man; it reveals him to himself.”

    “Men do not attract that which they want, but that which they are. Their whims. fancies, & ambitions are thwarted at every step, but their inmost [innermost] thoughts & desires are fed with their own food, be it foul or clean. Man is manacled only by himself; thought & action are the jailors of Fate — they imprison, being base; they are also the angels of Freedom — they liberate, being noble.

    In the light of this, what then is the meaning of, ‘fighting against circumstances?’ It means that a man is continually revolting against an effect without, while all the time he is nourishing & preserving its cause in his heart.
    That cause may take the form of a conscious vice or an unconscious weakness; but whatever it is, it stubbornly retards the efforts of its possessor, & thus calls aloud for remedy.

    Men are anxious [eager] to improve their circumstances, but are unwilling to improve themselves; they therefore remain bound.
    The man who boldy undertakes self-crucifixion will always accomplish the object upon which his heart is set.”

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  4. Interesting, if a somewhat longwinded and digressing, post.

    Yeah, you’d have to read the original 20 to gather the context of mine. Still, the fact that I am bitter towards a great many things…doesn’t make me in error =P

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  5. Nordicvs:
    …the fact that I am bitter towards a great many things… doesn’t make me in error =P
    Who is in error & who is not, & who is to say is at best dangerously subjective. Only you can honestly answer the question as to how far of course you are at this precise moment & how far off course you will be by any date.
    You are the captain of your destiny (Ouch, man that was corny. Too corny). Point remains however.

    Look at what you are saying with reference to this specifically:
    “Men do not attract that which they want, but that which they are.”

    …the fact that I am bitter towards a great many things… doesn’t make me in error =P

    0_0

    “Their whims, fancies, & ambitions are thwarted at every step, but their inmost [innermost] thoughts & desires are fed with their own food, be it foul or clean.

    Man is manacled only by himself; thought & action are the jailors of Fate — they imprison, being base; they are also the angels of Freedom — they liberate, being noble.”

    {As to your 20 points:
    I doubt anyone could fail to see your point, it is made plain across 20 paragraphs 🙂 though written up in a comic style it’s this:
    “Women are flawed. Some women are more flawed than others; I have been ‘fortunate’ to share in the experiences of those who are even more flawed still, & it was shit. I resent that & cannot fathom that they found themselves resenting me apparently even more adamantly when it was I who was putting up with the majority of the BS.”

    Humans are more often than not a tragicly grouped set of perverse flaws. This ‘typical’ behaviour in (certain) women (& men also) is:
    I am scum
    So I will throw myself at someone who will put up with me being scummy, it will make me feel worth
    Why would someone let scum treat them like scum? I resent them for allowing me to do this to them; I hate myself even more & by association them, but I fear being alone as I am scum.
    I guess this only happens to scum.
    Oh Lord I am scum.

    – Rinse lather, repeat.

    Over time one can only squint at the thought of the kind of results this is indubitable to bring about.}

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  6. Well, I’m not sure you gathered the humour, in either area, but anyway…I don’t know how deep to look into it all. It was a balancing spoof on the other list, but one which I maintain is far more truthful, even though it was mostly generalized.

    If the human species is “flawed,” if you want to look at it in terms of “error vs. perfection,” than we all are. Whether we are or not does not excuse behaviour, choices–nor does it necessarily place blame. Men and women are also quite different, at various levels…physically and mentally. Cultural and social aspects makes these differences sharper, depending upon where each gender resides.

    But I’m not religious, so I won’t say humans are flawed–what other way are we all supposed to be than how we are? We are natural beings; we are animals, intelligent, highly individualized members of differing groups that make up the human species. We eat, drink, sleep, urinate, defecate, build things and tear things down, and of course we procreate, for which each gender of our species needs the other (if we didn’t have this–of course allowing ourselves to die out in the process–our genders would have precious little in common with one another).

    Anyway, I’m uncertain regarding what you see as flaws…’imperfections’ compared to what?

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