It’s been close to a week since my last update. Things have been manic at home and work hasn’t been much better. It is not a very nice place to be when you are stressed at home and stressed at work. It’s like there is no escape from bullshit. Sometimes all I want is some peace and quiet away from the trials and tribulations of life. Maybe one day I’ll find it.
Work has become less a real job and more an exercise in shit evasion. As the team loses coherency, loses focus, loses direction, we struggle to maintain the level and quality of work we’re known for. The analogy one of my colleagues used was, ‘like a ship without a rudder lost at sea’. With the state of play as it is, shit evasion is all we I can do. I lack the motivation to get my teeth into any work and our support network is currently fucked. Instead of doing what we are supposed to do, we pass the buck as often as possible and take the easy road, the path of least resistance. We take messages for each other rather than passing on calls. We communicate with customers by email rather than over the telephone. We gauge the value of a customer to the business on one factor; ‘The value of the customer to us’.
Seems like the best way to work it.
Home life has it’s ups and downs as expected. Sarah and I are both in a situation where we’re learning about each other still. Living together is not easy. I don’t think I ever thought it would be easy, but the realities of it are something I did not expect. We’re both unhappy with things around the house and have the tendency to take it out on each other. Sarah will snap about something and I will snap back. Before I know it, an icy wall has been thrown up between us and the thaw takes a long time. I don’t like to be in a position where we’re not talking or are talking but not in a nice way. I try to be as reasonable and as accommodating as possible. Relationships are built on trust and compromise and I try very hard to give her both. Sometimes though, I feel it isn’t enough, that she wants more than I can give, and that is a heavy burden to bear.
Last night I managed to catch up with Terry for the first time in weeks. It was really good to see him. We just went for a couple of beers (before coming home to wallpaper – but that is another story) in town and for a good long chat about women, jobs, Christmas and how buying gifts sucks ass, homes, friends, family, everything we had not had the chance to talk about in the last few weeks. He has been having similar problems with Heidi as I have had with Sarah. It’s teething troubles.
It is very easy to lose contact with people that you care about simply by not picking up the phone, or not making the effort to see them when you get the chance. I’ve known Terry for too long to cast aside our friendship, so I’m going to see if we can arrange for a regular meeting on a Thursday night. Suits me, can’t see any reason why it won’t suit him too.
Well, I really should get some work done. I’ve been here for an hour so far and I’ve done fuck all except have breakfast and a drink. I guess I’ll try and motivate myself to get some shit sorted out. . . Or maybe I’ll fuck around for the rest of the day and perfect my shit evasion techniques. Yeah, second option looks most tempting.