At the minute I feel like a coiled spring that is being pushed and pushed from both ends. Squeezed, and smothered by the world around me. I feel like I am absorbing the pressure applied by everything and everyone but that I am reaching my limit. I don’t know how much more of this I can take before I explode, before the spring uncoils in frustration. I feel like there is so much expected of me from so many people, and that they are all expecting me to be someone I am not. I don’t know who I am, I don’t know why I am here. I do not yet understand my reason for being on this earth. Perhaps the human journey is to discover that there is no reason, there is no meaning to this life of ours. That we are but a blink of an eye on a cosmic scale. We are born, we live, we form relationships, we die. We are gone forever. Will we be remembered in ten years, 100, 1000? Even if we gain the notoriety to be remembered by humanity, all will be lost when humanity is lost. When the inevitable happens and this fragile species, Homo Sapiens, meets its destiny.
Do you ever, ever wonder what the purpose is of this life? Sometimes I do, and when I do I despair at the futility of it all.
I’m despairing now.