No title

At the minute I feel like a coiled spring that is being pushed and pushed from both ends. Squeezed, and smothered by the world around me. I feel like I am absorbing the pressure applied by everything and everyone but that I am reaching my limit. I don’t know how much more of this I can take before I explode, before the spring uncoils in frustration. I feel like there is so much expected of me from so many people, and that they are all expecting me to be someone I am not. I don’t know who I am, I don’t know why I am here. I do not yet understand my reason for being on this earth. Perhaps the human journey is to discover that there is no reason, there is no meaning to this life of ours. That we are but a blink of an eye on a cosmic scale. We are born, we live, we form relationships, we die. We are gone forever. Will we be remembered in ten years, 100, 1000? Even if we gain the notoriety to be remembered by humanity, all will be lost when humanity is lost. When the inevitable happens and this fragile species, Homo Sapiens, meets its destiny.

Do you ever, ever wonder what the purpose is of this life? Sometimes I do, and when I do I despair at the futility of it all.

I’m despairing now.


2 thoughts on “No title

  1. I used to. But you already hit it–there is no point, none whatsoever, to anything of this. Life and survival are facts of nature…birth, growth, procreation, death. That’s what existence is. But only humans ask why we are doing this; all the other critters just get along the best they can, oblivious to mortality.

    And we think they’re inferior. Shit, they have it made…and they remain honest about life, while humans search for meaning instead of simply living their lives…a third of which is spent waiting, and another third is spent sleeping. Not to mention all the time watching TV or doing nothing at all, and all the mindless tasks and social rituals and hygiene/grooming shit. I bet a 90-year-old only really lives about 15 to 20 years in total.

    Years ago it dawned on me that absolutely nothing matters. And I got down about that. Until I thought, “So fucking what?” There’s no meaning to anything, so what? Why does there have to be? And what’s wrong with futility? Must we have a purpose, a goal, a destiny?

    Yeah, life mostly sucks, and it’ll end before you know it. Go with the flow and make the most of the time you do have. Of course I don’t live by this, I just suggest it to others; I love wating time and pissing life away 😉

    It’s all about acceptance, Alan. And that’s my muddy two cents.

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  2. You have to give your life meaning yourself if you want to be sure it’s really got one. Your girl, or your family, something you enjoy, whatever.
    So often I hear ‘it’s all going to end and there’s no point’ Well maybe there isn’t in the grand cosmic scheme of things. Does that matter much; will it change how much you enjoy life? It’s not like a life lived constantly looking towards the end of it is going to be much fun whether you know what comes at the end or not. Get on with the business of living, you can wonder about the why of it when it’s over.

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